Revision Process

This is my writing story.

When I was younger, I loved to write.  From the time I was in second grade, I wrote poetry.  Then somewhere in 5th or 6th grade, I decided I wanted to write a book.  Not just a book though, a novel.  I wrote two and started many others.  I still wrote poetry, and in 7th grade I started writing lyrics that I could put to music.  I always received positive feedback in high school, too.  I was creative and I loved to focus on interactions between people when I wrote.  I wanted to write things that made people feel like they weren't alone, that people had similar experiences.  

At some point in college, my love for writing changed.  To be honest, I recall the exact moment.  I wrote a paper for a course I was in, and I received a "B" on it.  But I didn't know why.  I asked my professor what I could do, and he suggested I outline and revise.  I only did "bare bones" outlines, so I knew I could improve on that.  I always revised- for the extent to which I knew how.  I wrote three papers in that class and on the last two I received better grades.  Those were my first "real" academic papers.  I think I had to write papers for my first year Paideia class, but I don't remember.  If I did, I received positive feedback.

Skip ahead to senior year of undergrad, and I wrote a senior paper.  It was only about 12 pages long, because I had actually completed a senior project.

That was the writing I recall during my undergrad career.  Except for my education classes, but those papers were fun to write.  It was easy to know exactly what I wanted to say, because so much I wrote was about my personal education philosophy.

Then next big paper I wrote was my project report for my masters degree.  It was not actually a thesis, but a project report, which was a shorter version of a thesis.  

Now how do I feel about writing?  It depends.  I'm revising essays for a grant application right now, and I hate it.  The writing feels so impersonal, but yet it's addressing things I feel very strongly about.  I read the short essays and they feel dull and boring.  The idea of writing a dissertation is daunting.  

I'm "in the middle" of the revision process for these essays.  Many people have read my essays and will continue to read these essays.  I'm extremely grateful for that.  Thankfully for these essays, I have managed to avoid asking for revisions from people that don't give helpful comments.  Also, writing, even academic writing, is very subjective.  I'm now at a point in my writing where sometimes, there are comments I ignore (although I NEVER ignore comments about clarification... if a person has had to reread a sentence multiple times or restates one of my ideas incorrectly).  

I have to be honest, however... I think my most recent draft of these essays (I'm officially on revision #4) is worse than #2 and #3.  

In conclusion, revisions are frustrating.  I would rather write a fiction story.

What does all this have to do with music?  Good question... My time has been so consumed with languages and writing this summer, I've had very little time to practice or listen or learn music.  Although twice last week I played piano for fun, and it was amazing.  About halfway through the first practice session, I realized I was unknowingly smiling.  I definitely got teary mid-practice both days.  Yes... how lucky am I, that making music and educating people is my real vocation?  Very lucky indeed!