Last Week.

Last week has been the hardest of the semester so far.  I anticipate that it will go on as the hardest week of the entire semester, and all future weeks will breathe a sigh of relief.

It was not a "bad" week.  In fact, it was productive.  It was full of music.  It was rewarding and inspiring.  However, I also did not get to see my family as much.  I gave and gave and gave energy and never fully recharged to 100%.  

Last week I had three clinics.  Two of those clinics ended with a concert.  Plus, I had a concert with my own students.  So, three clinics and three concerts.  Like I said, full of music. Full of learning.  

Here are my two important take aways from last week:

1) It's important not to over schedule.  Of course, right?  But it has to be intentional.  Sure, I can say "Oh, it'll be hard, but I can do it."  However, do I really want to do that to myself?  I finished up my third clinic Saturday around 12:30 PM.  Around 11:50 AM, I glanced at the clock and felt my energy draining more quickly than it had all week.  Today (Sunday), I decided not to do any work for my job.  While that was good, I'm sitting here at 10 PM on a Sunday night and I recognize that I am still not 100% charged.  Maybe 75%.  Maybe.

2) Music.  Music, music, music.  What made this week so inspiring is that it was all about music (and teaching).  I was able to focus on the music.  Create music.  Lead music.  Teach music.  I conducted four separate sets of music for four different choirs.  I was swimming in music.  It was wonderful.  Administrative things always get in the way of music.  And while there is a time and a place for administrative (of course), I definitely need more time in my music.  I must make time for music.  I am a better teacher, a better musician for it.  

So now I am off to bed.  I have plans to score study for an hour and a half tomorrow morning.  I don't know if I'll be at 100% charged tomorrow morning, but I certainly will know how to focus to be inspired throughout the week.  

Self-care and Busy

Being busy.  It's a blessing and a problem.

I created a goal for myself before the school year started: Give myself at least two nights off every work week.  No work, no email, no planning.  Do something fulfilling.

Not a hard goal, right?  I mean, I'm done with my dissertation.  I no longer have a newborn.  I'm in the second year of my job.  Easy.

But not as easy as I thought.

I haven't met my goal since the school year began.  At first I was trying to figure out why: Is it because I am advising students this year, and they stop by my office more?  Is it because I'm sitting on committees?  Is it because I planned too much for my touring ensemble?  Is it because I'm spending too much time preparing for my upperclassman course on women musicians in history?

Then I realized that the best thing to do at this moment isn't to understand why I'm too busy, but take steps to correct it.  This is hard.  I don't want to give things up, and I don't want to feel like I'm unprepared, but I also want to spend time with my family without feeling guilty and enjoy life so I can understand the joy of music.

So here are some of my ideas about cutting back.  I haven't implemented them yet, but I'm getting there.

Here are my ideas:
- Recommit to using at least two nights a week to do something other than work.  Don't even take out the work computer.  Nothing.  Maybe even leave my work bag at home.
- Cut back on some activities.  For example, those activities that don't yield high rewards for recruitment, don't participate.
- Setting goals and restrictions ahead of time.  For example, next fall, I will not conduct any honors choirs or festivals.  I'll have a newborn, I'll be pumping.  I can take a semester away from the conducting festivals, especially because I'll still be visiting local and state schools to recruit during the day.
- Delegate.  I have two student workers and student leaders.  I can delegate more work.  I don't have to do it all.
- Perhaps make a list: what activities am I doing that are in my job description?  What activities are not *really* in my job description, but I'm doing them to grow the program/build my tenure/etc?  What activities do I do out of guilt?  If I can see these activities listed (including all the additional meetings I have), perhaps I can make a change as to what activities I do; perhaps I can prioritize activities.

I love what I do.  I love my family.  I also love myself, and my cup is slowly getting drained.  I feel it.  And I will not be any good to my family or my students if my cup isn't full.

So please, friends, take your self-care seriously.  You are important.

A Cycle on the Earth

All the music at our fall concert has to do with the earth.  Not a unique theme, but each choir tells a story with their cycle.

I'm preparing Alberto Grau's "Kasar Mie La Gaji."  I'm taking a section at a time- marking in my score, singing through each part, deciding on tempi, determining the shape of the phrase (he's quite explicit in his markings), hearing it in my head... it all must be solid before practicing conducting.

"The earth is tired."  The whole piece... "The earth is tired, the earth is tired, the earth is tired, ahhhh."  It's dry, it's overworked and overused... this is the earth we are singing about.

But the earth stays tired... there is no relief in the entire piece.  And from that, they sing Matthew Culloton's arrangement of "Famine Song."  "Rain" is the common refrain, and relief finally comes at the end; there is rain.  Without stopping the rain, Memley's "There Will Come Soft Rains."  Except this time, the rain falls and the earth moves on and suddenly the notion: if war devastates humankind, spring will still happen.  The rains will still smell sweetly, the birds will still chirp, the beauty of the earth will still exist, even if humans destroy themselves.

I promise, it's actually a very uplifting concert.

To-Do List Update

Update: I successfully completed my to-do list from today.  And I created a to-do list for tomorrow.

The only reason this warrants a post is because I'm at a point with two of my pieces that I can practice conducting.  This is fantastic!  This is my life.

How I Work...

I just wrote myself a to-do list for tomorrow.  I sent myself an email labeled "Monday To-Do List."  In it, I set reasonable expectations (I think) of things I think I can accomplish tomorrow while still doing things like making sure my little one has love and attention.

As we head toward the beginning of school, I find myself acknowledging that it is time to tie up some loose ends.  For example, I have to finish reading the textbook I'm teaching from for my Seminar in Music Literature class.  I cannot finish planning the class or find supplemental articles until this is done.

Additionally, I love working on my music.  I normally save that because it is so enjoyable, but that sometimes means I don't give it as much time as I should.  However, I have decided that music preparation (which means better rehearsal preparation) can be a top priority.

So I'm giving myself time this week to get lost in music.

Fresh- no longer!

My music has some of the first markings!  A fresh, new binder of music... now with some preliminary form analysis markings.  Small, but exciting.

Silence and Stillness

Moments of silence, moments of stillness... this is how I need to prepare my music.  Sure, I am as rushed as anyone.  And when we feel rushed, how do we prepare music?  I make the necessary markings, make some decisions that I know I can change later, try to avoid listening to any recordings but spend time playing through the music, and make sure I can sing through any parts that I can't sight-read with confidence.

But who wants to live in music that way?  That's not preparing music; at least, not really preparing music.  For me to understand, to love, to live, to help the music sing, I need to spend time in silence and stillness.

Well, stillness for sure.  And "silence" is relative, because there is internal hearing.  There is sound in my head.

I am on a road trip visiting family, and I have not opened up my music yet to prepare it for the fall.  I have my binder stocked and ready to go.  It's waiting to be prepared.  But in the midst of reading a textbook for my Seminar in Music Literature class, preparing rubrics and assignments, designing a schedule for the semester, creating syllabi... I don't want to shove in music preparation for five minutes here and five minutes there.

So one thing I am preparing to do is to carve out sacred time in which I prepare music.  It has to be time when my brain and inner ear is fresh.  I'm recommitting to musical music preparation, not music preparation done in short bits that feels stale.

Where's the Music?

I opened up my music binder today, and realized that I do not have any music for this upcoming fall in my binder.  I desperately wanted to prepare and study music today, but was unable to study new music.

I think I have most of the pieces selected for the October concert.  I have ideas for the Winter concert, but need to do more research.  I am stepping up the difficulty for all my ensembles this semester, and I cannot wait to challenge them and challenge myself.

More to come, but I am looking forward to planning and studying.

Course Designing

I'm designing a class for the fall for the upperclass music majors.  The class has a generic title and the course description basically says (I'm paraphrasing): "The class will address music history, music theory, or music performance.  The Instructor chooses the topic."

So, the course is going to be focused on women composers, women's place in music throughout history, and performance practice.  It sounds broad- because it is.  I will be teaching students who play a variety of instruments and want to do a variety of things after they graduate, so my goal is to allow them to get started exploring a topic they are interested in pursuing.

The textbook we are using is a book full of essays that are written about women composers and performers as well as the reception of women musicians throughout history.  I will supplement with other readings, but I have already decided to not ask them to read the chapter about feminist aesthetics.  While I find it interesting, it would take much longer than we have available to us and much more historical and methodological knowledge than my students will have, and thus it wouldn't be as meaningful as I would like it to be.

Still, I am incredibly excited about this class.  And I am learning, and will learn, quite a bit in the process.

Summer Schedule

It's summer.  And as summer always goes, I need to create a schedule for myself.  I may not stick to a strict schedule, but I must create one none-the-less.

So within this schedule and with the traveling later this summer and with a partner who is starting medical school in August, I still need to create some sort of schedule.  So I did, but I need to plan around my son's schedule.  Unfortunately, a 14-month-old does not entertain themselves for longer than 30 minutes without needing some sort of intervention.

So, in the morning, I may have meetings.  If no meetings, then I may be looking at music for the fall. Or, if no meetings and it does not work to go into my office, I hang out with family or do house-related duties.

During little one's nap, I plan for my Seminar in Music Literature class.  This includes reading and reading and reading.  And planning a schedule.

So that's my schedule.  I plan on reading for fun and doing some relaxation.  And listening to a lot of music.  And doing a lot of looking at and deciding upon music.

Next up...

It's May.

Commencement has happened.  Grades are submitted.  Summer has started.

First on the list this summer:  Relax (I've already read a book for fun!).  Then it will be looking for music, making connections with local teachers, and planning the upperclassman Seminar in Music Literature.  The planning will consist not only of assignments, tests, presentations, etc., but ALSO reading textbooks and articles for assigned readings.

I am incredibly grateful that I can focus on these things instead of writing and revising a document.

The Best Compliment I Have Ever Received

So, it's Lent.  My Chorale is on tour.  They sang for an Ash Wednesday service in Charlotte, NC and did a fantastic job.

Last night (Thursday), the singers performed at a church in Wilmington.  A Lutheran church, where I met congregants who were transplants from Wisconsin, where the pastor had sung under Weston Noble when he was 17, and where I met an alum of Luther College (my alma mater).

Chorale sang.  They really did a fantastic job.  They were focused.  They were intentional.  They were committed.  I was so proud of them.

But I want to share a comment- a huge compliment- that was given to me.  The pastor (the one who had sung under Weston Noble when he was 17) stopped me after the concert and told me he loved the concert and the choir.  But then he said, "I can tell you studied with Weston.  I thought what you said before some of the pieces was perfect, and led our hearts and attention in the perfect direction.  Also, your singers are so expressive.  They clearly have an understanding of the feeling of what they are singing about."

I don't know if I have ever received so high a compliment from anyone.  We work on commitment to the music.  I often teach musicality through text.  I believe in committing to the text.  There comes a point in which I stop talking about notes and rhythms (notice: I did not say I stop talking about intonation and subdivisional pulse).  There comes a point when we must dive deeper into the text and how it relates to the music.  That colors our sound, it helps us shape our phrases, it changes the intentionality of individual words... and I am so humbled by the pastor's kind words.

Writing Objectives

Some days, I am positive I learn more from my students than they learn from me.  Today I taught a lesson about how to write objectives for a lesson plan.  It was not my intention to teach today: I had made an assumption that my education majors had already discussed writing objectives.  In a way, they HAD discussed it in another class, but I should know better.  Writing objectives for a music class or a rehearsal is very different than other classes.  

So, I learned a GREAT deal today.  Sometimes I have taught something that my students have already discussed in another class, and this has not been the most efficient use of our time.  We have so many concepts to get through that I want to make the best use of our time.  

However, writing objectives is important.  And so today, I taught (or retaught) how to write an objective.  I remember objective writing being the ban of my existence in undergrad, but it was incredibly helpful for my teaching.  

And today, I was asked great questions.  We create objectives, and my students were inspired to re-write lesson plans.  And I was inspired to create better lessons and rehearsals.

I wish that I was done with my thesis document.  I spend time having to work on that document that could be better used designing stronger lesson plans or activities.  I have not spent the amount of time on my music that I would normally want to.  Soon I will be able to spend more time on this, however.  

So, objectives.  Writing strong objectives.

Recruitment and Honors Contract

One of the most exciting new developments...

I have a student who has contracted Chorus (my non-auditioned Chorus) for an Honors class.  She is an Honors student and a business major.  So, we have decided that she would help with the promotion of Chorus around campus. 

Her job will consist of a few things:

1) Promoting Chorus around campus, both the as a class and their performances.

2) organizing "promotional" events (things such as a flash mob and social media)

3) reporting on, at the end of the semester, what prevents people from joining Chorus and how to overcome those hesitancies.  

I am hoping that this will serve multiple purposes.  It will give her an honors contract, it will provide continuity between multiple choirs and their visibility, and hopefully provide new and innovative ideas for recruitment.

Tour

It is Friday evening.  I am sitting on my couch, drinking a glass of wine, eating some chocolate, watching a Stargate SG1.  My dissertation revisions are almost complete, and I am waiting to hear back from my advisor about next steps (and setting a defense date in March).

So that leads me to the next step: continuing to plan the semester.  And planning for our tour.  Yes!  Chorale is taking a tour of North Carolina.  Lots of music.  Some details need to be worked out yet, but it is quite exciting.

I have put together the program.  It includes Rorem, Persichetti, Holst, Paulus, Whitacre, Rachmaninoff, and Takach.  I am incredibly excited about the music.

It is a stretch for my singers, but I think it's going to be some very solid music making.

Additionally, my non-auditioned group is already sounding fantastic.  A full sound, ability to read, and quite ready to learn.

First Second Semester

Second semester.

Planning a tour.

Finishing revisions on a large thesis document.

Taking care of a baby who is sick every-other-week.

Working a new job.

Teaching a class I have not taught before.



But I love my job.  I have inspired students.  I have great colleagues.  I have supportive leadership.  I have more time this semester than first, which sounds perhaps counter to what I've just suggested, but at least I have time to get my head on straight before walking into a rehearsal or class.

More later.  Just not sure how much later.

Where is the Balance?

Balance.

Someday I will find balance, which won't come until I finish revising and then defend my thesis document.

Until then, I will spend as much time as possible on this document in such a way that I can still spend some time with my family.

Until the next few months are done, where is the balance?