Titles

Last night I subbed for a soprano at her church choir rehearsal.  I am still not used to this practice- hiring section leaders and then they have to find subs if they are sick or cannot be there.  It's not that I have never heard of this before, but it's more that it happens on such a large scale, at many churches, even if they are not very big.  So, the situation was a little rough for my particular voice.  Perhaps I give myself too many excuses for my voice, but my voice seems to be very peculiar to me.  It's a little clunky, not always smooth depending on where it sits, and a little tricky to "control" (I know I know- we don't control our voices).  So I was singing soprano and there was a split.  I wasn't sure which part the person I subbed for was, so I didn't sing the first split to hear what note was missing (there were only a total of four sopranos).  I heard the high A was missing, so I jumped in and sang it.  When we finished the piece, the lady next to me turned and said, "Couldn't find your note there for a minute?"  And kind of giggled.  I'm never sure how to respond to something like that.  So I just smiled and continued to pay attention to the director.  It was a tough room to sing in- very dead and we were sitting so close together, that I felt like I couldn't sing out.  Then when I try to sing, it sounds less than awesome.  I know I shouldn't listen and should just use what good technique feels like.  The difficulties were that I was sitting down and we were so cramped in a room with dead space.  Overall it was fine, but I wasn't the vocal leader I wanted to be.

I'm listening to John Adams' "Harmonium" right now.  Starting to review the masterworks I will be tested on at the end of the year.

I was walking to the coffee shop this morning and I ran into a professor at a crosswalk.  He's not my professor, nor will he ever be.  He is a professor that insists on all students (graduate included) calling him Dr.  He's able to request that and I have no problem calling him by his titled name.  So, I saw him at a crosswalk this morning with a friend, both wearing santa hats.  I said hello and he introduced me to his friend as Dr as well.  But yet gave them my first name.  If he is going to insist on titles with a person  I meet on the street, then call me Mrs., which is my title.

Two more days and then it's home for Christmas (actually, late tomorrow night).

Kale Chips and Sugar Cookies

A break from the music posts... those will be back soon!

A picture while I was running.

Below is a picture of the lights in Naples.

Below is a picture of the home made sugar cookies I made!  Merry Christmas!

And below is my first attempt at kale chips.  Success!

A New Composition

I have had more thrilling experiences in the past year and a half than I can remember having ever before.  

Today, I met with a composition faculty member.  He was the composer who arranged the Coventry Carol for the Women's Chorus.  He asked if he could write something for the Women's Chorus for next semester.  I would premiere it on my recital.  

Alan, the composer, and I spoke for about half an hour.  I also learned a little about his musical background.  He received his undergraduate degree from UGA (which happens to be one of the schools I applied to for my DMA).  He sang in the men's chorus there and still knows some of the faculty members (he said it's a fairly consistent faculty).  He said he would love to get in touch with one of the voice teachers (who also conducts a gospel group, perhaps?) and put in a good word for me.  He said it's been awhile since he has written for choirs, although he enjoyed writing before and is excited to do it again.  He said he spent a few years in Whitewater Wisconsin and became composer-in-residence there for a few years.  

So the conversation about the piece was fascinating.  He asked me about any technical limitations (I gave him ranges).  I also said that I would prefer 3 part, but they could do 4 part pretty easily as long as the harmonic language was a little more traditional and predictable at those moments if they were extended.  A few measures of difficult 4 part is fine, but it should be brief.  We spoke about tempo, tonality, text.  Of course, neither of us had set ideas.  This was a meeting to conjure up some guidelines.  Tempo doesn't matter- my recital set is flexible enough for that almost anything will fit.  There maybe be one or two more moderate/fast pieces, but I wouldn't want too many slow.  Tonality doesn't matter, as long as it's not full of things that do not make sense to the ear.  He said that many composers tend to "tame down" their harmonic language when writing for choirs, but he hasn't really been one to do that. That's not a big deal, as long as the stuff is singable to the girls.  As far as text, it also didn't matter much to me as long as it wasn't a Slavic language.  He said he normally uses dead languages anyway, since the text is then not likely to be under copyright.  We talked about what the song might be about (nothing with pirates).  It could be sacred or secular.  I thought about jokingly suggest a text using just binary code, but then I thought he might take me seriously.  And I'm kidding about that.  

He asked about my preferences.  He asked if I want to see drafts (yes).  He also asked about when I would want the piece finished (he said to lie by two weeks- so I did and told him February 15.  He wrote down February 1).  

I think this is a great opportunity for me and for the women.  I feel bad we can't pay him.  But I also thought- we might use his work in the future.  Maybe with a future choir.  Maybe when I have a job someday, I will commission a piece from him.  I think this could be beneficial for all involved.

It was thrilling.  And it's very exciting to think about.

Programming

I just read a section about program selection.

Things I consider when programming:

1) Is the music appropriate?  Vocally and educationally.  It's one reason I rarely programmed multiple 3 or 4 part music for my 8th grade choirs in Arizona.  They were young enough that their ears still needed things that were partner songs or rounds.  I would much rather err on the safe side of difficulty level and have the group knock it out of the park than program something that is such a stretch it doesn't feel good to sing.

2) Is there a theme?  I don't always program with a theme in mind.  But sometimes I do.  It depends on my mood.

3) Is there a piece I just "have" to do?  If so, that becomes the anchor piece for the program.

4) Is there a variety of music from varying time periods?  I sometimes like to do chronologically determined concerts.  I don't do this often, but if I can find the right music and it makes sense to do it chronologically, then I will.  And then I inevitably make sure it's as interesting and informative as possible.

5) Is there a variety of music stylistically?  Articulation, tempi, key signatures, time signatures, etc.

6) How does the music move into the next piece?  I probably wouldn't program a piece in Ab major and then a piece in D minor.  It would probably be an odd transition and would sound jarring to the ear.  

7) Is there a story being told?  If I don't connect the music via theme or chronology, I like the program to tell a story.

8) Is the energy forward moving?

Ultimately, I always know when I have put together a program that is going to work.  I also know when I have put together a program that will be fine, but will require more selling to work.  I am very blessed that programming music has been something I have found extremely enjoyable and successful.  I credit my years of singing with Tim Peter, who was such a great programmer.  I learned from him.

I also think the energy of the program has something to do with the energy of the singers and conductor.  I have sung under directors that, because they are boring and dull, the music and concerts are boring.  You can tell as you are working your way toward the concert that it's going to be lackluster.

Those are just a few of my thoughts.

In Quest of Answers

Since it's break, I'm allowing myself time to read a fun book.  The book is entitled, "In Quest of Answers: Interviews with American Choral Conductors" and is by Carole Glenn.  Now, this wasn't going to be a "fun" read originally.  But it has since turned into a fun read.  

There are multiple topics in this book and I'm briefly going to comment on one.  This is the idea of being able to perform music from multiple time periods.  The answers from the conductors all vary.  Many say that if they can be a great conductor, they can get their group to sing in all styles.  Some others say they always make an effort, but due to their own short comings their groups may not be as strong in some areas.  There were a few people who said their ensemble naturally sing certain styles of music better than others.  For example, Dale Warland said that his group tends to sing twentieth century music the best.  Some others said their groups, because of the age or the kind of voices, sing earlier music better.  I always find this topic intriguing and there is certainly so much more I want to discover and learn.  There are a few books out there about choral performance practices in various time periods, and I plan on purchasing them some point soon.  I have thought about this quite a lot with my own choir and continue to think on it.  I often feel inadequate because I'm not exactly sure how to get a large difference in sound production.  Sure, there is articulation and phrasing and the musical idiosyncrasies of each genre, but I'm specifically thinking about vocal production.  Or, maybe I don't need to worry as much about vocal production because the other musical characteristics will shape the production.  I will have to think about this.  And experiment.

To touch on a topic briefly that has been at the forefront of my mind, I read an article about a teacher in Connecticut that hid her first graders in closets and cupboards with the gunman came in.  He shot her but her students were unharmed.  She was 27.  That's two years younger than me- I was teaching when I was 27.  It's a peer.  John and I spoke about how we think and hope we would respond in that kind of situation.  I have loved all my students, from Kinder to College.  I would do all in my power to protect them.  John asked me if it would be different if I were to have children of my own.  I don't know if I would be able to process all that in the moment.  I would probably still react the same way.

Everybody in the world is someone's child.  Those children, the adults, the young man with the gun... those were all somebody's child, even if they were "child aged" anymore.  Despite the fact I am 29, my mom still text me and said, "You will always be my baby girl and I love you."  And it hit me that, no matter how old I am, even my mom has hopes for me- hopes of safety, of love, of being a good person. I am sure I will feel the same way about my children.  

I have no wisdom or solutions for how to prevent this type of thing.  I wish I did.  

German

Many exciting things here today.

First, I finished my last final.  It was German diction and was one of the easiest finals I have ever taken.  It was partly because I studied, partly because I have taken two semesters of German, and partly because it was a very clear assessment that just tested us on the basics.  I went in to do the speaking portion of the exam, and the teacher asked me if I had listened to the recordings.  I must have looked confused, because he said, "Don't the books come with CDs?"  "Oh, yes they do!  And no, I did not listen to them.  Should have I?"  "No, you sound very similar to the woman who speaks the recordings on the CD."  So I think that is a good sign.

After that, I met briefly with my teacher.  He told me I received an A for the semester and we touched base about next semester.  I will finish King David.  I will work on my recital pieces.  And I will conduct Beethoven Mass in C!  It's a big semester, but I am excited.

Then I spoke with a professor from the language department.  He quizzed me on my German (a basic conversation with me in German).  And for my exciting news of the week?  I will be taking second semester German next semester.  I took two semesters at Luther and could probably really study up over break and be fine in third semester German, but I don't want to get too crazy.  I really look forward to a refresher semester and hope to continue German in my future studies.  I would really like to gain fluency, or at minimum functionality, in the language.  It's an undergrad number so does not count toward my GPA, although I don't think that matters.

After that conversation, I met with my voice teacher to receive my jury sheets back.  All As!  I felt pretty good going into the jury (as far as memorization and some of the tone placement things).  We determined my rep for next semester (another five pieces).  I am excited, although it's more challenging semester.  My goal is to learn all the notes and start memorizing over break.

So my to-do list for break went from about two things to a million things.  Just kidding.  Not a million.  But a lot.

List: Learn solo pieces and start to memorize.  Refresh German.  Revise thesis.  Work on King David.  Start work on Mass in C.  Create sight reading packets for Women's Chorus.  Create part recordings for Women's Chorus.  Find one more recital piece from a large work or by a well known composer.  Find an English song (legato!) and a Baroque song for voice lessons (any suggestions?). Research more efficient ways of teaching polyphonic choral music.  Review and study choral masterworks for big final aural exam.

I think that's it.  Manageable in 5 weeks, right?  If I can get that stuff done, my semester will start off on a strong foot.

John and I listening to Leontyne Price sing Mozart.  We just finished up some hot cocoa (which I made on the stove and from cocoa powder... aka "homemade") as a snack to our sausage and kale soup.  It's a pretty pleasant evening.

Fairness

I do not quite understand what is going on in Michigan with their union legislation right now.  Similar to Wisconsin?  Despite the fact the Republicans are in control in Michigan, I don't think that gives them the right to vote in things that so many people disagree with.  There still needs to be a sense of fairness and compromise.  I get some people don't like unions because they think unions are selfish for their desire to get their employees benefits and pay raises.  But why can't the US have a fairly compensated work force?  Because big businesses want to save money and don't want to put that extra cash toward retirement and benefits and pay.  Or is there another reason?  Has the public agreed that yes, school teachers are indeed getting paid too much?  After my 5 years of teaching making at most $35,000, that can hardly be called "getting paid too much." Every year I taught, I needed a second job.  Unions would not be needed if we could trust business bosses to care just as much about their employees as they did about profit.

Today my goal is to study diction and write the rest of my thesis.  Yes, you saw that correctly.  Write the rest of my thesis.  If it doesn't happen, I'll need to finish it on Thursday.  So close.

Salonen

Sitting in a coffee shop with John before we head to Cantus concert tonight.  Christmas music playing over the radio, a man practicing his vocal score in a corner (not kidding), drinking a peach tea, and soon-to-be-discussing our summer plans.  And the Vikings won today.  A good day.

Last night we went into LA.  Our plan was to go to Pershing Square and go ice skating.  People had suggested to us that ice skating there was so much fun.  Unfortunately, we are from the midwest.  And "fun" ice skating means a much bigger rink with less people than what they had at Pershing Square.  Plus, you had purchase a ticket to ice skate for an hour.  And the only time left when we arrived at 6:45 last night was to skate from 9-10 PM.  So, we opted out.  We walked up to Disney Hall to see what was happening up there.  Esa-Pekka Salonen was conducting his own piece, the Schumann piano concert (soloist David Fray), a Lutosławski piece for orchestra and baritone (soloist Gerard Finley), and Tchaikovsky's Francesca da Rimini (symphonic poem).  The music was great (I admit- I love most German music).  But I just loved watching Salonen conduct.  

We were in seats behind the orchestra, so we were able to watch Salonen conducting the orchestra.  It was amazing to see him.  He was very intentional about everything he conducted.  He was so clear.  There was no fluff or show in his gesture.  It was all specific to the music.  He only showed what was needed.  For example, there were 4 large chords in a row.  And all he showed was the downbeat.  A huge downbeat.  And then orchestra responded.  No need to beat time in between or do anything.  There was another time he cued the percussion (it was some pitched percussion instrument) and he cued them high and then traveled down through the space in front of him to lead them through their pitched descent.  It looked a little bit like an 80s rock move. 

We loved the concert.  It was such a great impromptu decision.

Caroling and Rehearsal Planning

Two great things:

1) I am going to go caroling tonight.  The president of the university called my teacher late last night and asked if he could bring a group of carolers to a HUGE fundraiser he was hosting at his house tonight.  So a pleading e-mail was sent to Chamber this morning.  I have wanted to carol for weeks now.  I am excited.

2) I just wrote basic rehearsal plans for my thesis piece.  It reminded me that figuring out the best way to teach a piece (plus what concepts to teach first, how to teach them, and how to teach them without the singers knowing you are really "teaching" music) is one of my favorite things to do.  I love digging into music.  I am very excited about my recital in May.  

Perpetual Stress?

I live in a perpetual state of stress.  I realized that today.  This summer I wasn't stressed.  I became stressed as the semester went on and have been at what seems like maximum stress level for about 2 months now.  I am sure there is something not healthy about that.  You may think I am being dramatic, but I honestly don't think I have fully let go of stress for about 2 months.  I tried over Thanksgiving, but wasn't successful.  I worry a little bit about Winter Break... there is stuff I have to do.  Forcing myself not to do the things I need to do will probably stress me out more than working on the things I need to do.  But I do hope to keep it in perspective.  Yeesh!

This Friday is juries.  We have a mock jury tonight.  I am sure I'll be nervous, but I also don't really care.  I wonder if I should stop caring about grades, too.  I always want to do my best and I always feel like I can be doing more... that's the problem.  If I can always practice a little more, study a little harder, be a little more organized, I can do better.  But perhaps the problem is I don't know when to draw the line and stop.  It really seems like many people are more talented than myself, so I work harder to make up for it.  Whether this is all in my head or not, who knows, but this is probably where much of my stress comes from.

At any rate, this morning I decided I am going to try to be efficient and will dedicate time to what I need to do, but I want to try to relax a little bit more as well.

Enough of that.

I may have my last conducting lesson of the semester today.  Unless he wants us to meet next week, but I don't think so.  So that, with choir and mock juries still leads to a pretty full day.  I am also bringing my Christmas cards/treats to school to give to friends.  And Christmas is always exciting.

I can't wait for Christmas!

Best Compliment

I received the best compliment I have ever received yesterday.  It was from the accompanist of the Men's Chorus.  It was after the women sang in our final performance.  After their set, I had to head down to the side room behind the sanctuary to wait for a chance to go out and stand with Chamber Choir.  The accompanist was down there waiting as well (as he was every performance).  I went to wait yesterday and he said, "That was your last performance.  Are you glad it's done?"

"Hmmmm... it's always a little sad when it's done.  I am so proud of them and they work so hard.  They were excited about their performance and you know?  I'm just so proud of all they have done.  If you can't tell, I love my ladies."  That was my reply.

"And they love you."

"Well, I hope so.  But either way, I hope they love making music and singing with the group and under my direction."

"Oh, they do."

I smile.

"No, seriously," the accompanist continued, "You make it so that people want to sing for you.  They want to work hard and you create such an environment that they want to sing and do well.  It's really special.  I wish more directors were like that."

I have never received such a compliment.

Winter Fest went well.  I will look forward to hearing the performance recordings.  I thought we were maybe the most in tune Saturday evening... but I will have to see when I listen.  I think the Saturday afternoon performance was our weakest, but the the evening one and yesterday's performances went well.  Both had different strengths.

I sent follow-up e-mails to the schools I applied to.  I hope it's not annoying.  I basically just said all my stuff was in, I was really excited about that particular application, and I hope the semester finished well for them.

King David might be musical

Conducting is starting to click today.  I don't want to get too excited- it's not perfect.  But at least I feel like I'm starting to anticipate the music.  That's always the issue- do I know it well enough that I'm anticipating instead of riding with the music.  When I conduct Chichester Psalms at the beginning of the semester, the anticipation was easier than King David.  Partly because the piece is shorter, partly because it's three movements instead of 27 incidental pieces, and partly because I had a lot more time to prepare.

But today... finally... I am starting to be at a good place with some of the movements.  I have been so frustrated the past few weeks because I haven't been where I want to be with King David.  And the good news today is that I am making progress!

My ladies sang through their set briefly last night at the end of the group rehearsal.  We were missing almost half the choir, but that was fine.  The only purpose was to sing through the pieces once and make sure they are fresh in the mind.  The first piece, Hodie Apparuit by Orlando di Lasso, was sung with only three of our first sopranos there.  And they are three sopranos who are sometimes timid.  But they held it together and only had two places that really tripped them up.  But they got back into it.  I know it wasn't perfect, but I can't help be unbelievably proud of those three that stepped up.

"Master class" Idea

I came up with an idea for my fellow graduate students and I really hope we do it.  I want to get the four of us together and share how we prepare a large work.  We would take 10-15 minutes and walk our colleagues through the process of a piece and how we prepared it- then we could take 5-10 minutes to ask questions and discuss.  I would love to hear how my colleagues prepared certain pieces, what they looked for, what they did to memorize what was coming next without listening to a million recordings (which I don't like doing if I can help it), etc.

I'm about to write a little bit more of my thesis.  My goal is to have it written by the time the semester is done.  Then, during winter break, I will revise and review.  Trust me, it will need a LOT of revision.

Oh, and in a less than a month I need to start major studying for my aural exam about choral masterworks.

This week is Winter Festival.  Did I mention that the professor that arranged the Coventry Carol for the Women's Chorus has told me he would love to actually write something for them?  He said, "Now that I have seen how professional you and the choir really are, I would love to write something for you."  Pretty exciting, eh?

At any rate, currently I'm listening to a Christmas album.  You can't get much better than Choral Christmas music... especially choral music with brass and strings accompaniment.

Tempo Irritations

I spent some time listening to various recordings of King David this morning.  Not the entirety of the Oratorio, as it's an hour, but portions of it.  Many of the recordings take tempos that are not what Honegger marked.  Now, if a tempo is marked 100 and someone takes it at 106, fine.  When the tempo is marked 80 and the conductor takes it at 60- if they only do that once or twice, what do I care?  But when they take it 60 when it's marked 80, 96 when it's 72, 50 when it's marked 76... then it's as if they don't trust the composer's tempo markings.  And fine, conductors can do what they want.  But I disagree with many of the choices.  Maybe when I'm older and more experienced I will be less stodgy in my desire to follow what's written in the music.  To be honest, when I am older and more experienced I will probably have changed my mind about a lot of things, and especially in relation to conducting.  I will probably reread this entry and shake my head at how naive or unthoughtful I am being.  That's okay.  It's all a journey.

I was going to stay at Polly's until 11:30 today, but I think I'm going to go home and go for a run.  I may then conduct a little more.  And then I will think about the Brahms piece I am writing about in my thesis.  I am at the point where I want to start writing about the harmonic analysis of the piece.  I could do it now, but I'd like to spend more time listening to, singing through, and understanding the structure. I might even Schenkerian analyze it.  For some people, they think it's a waste of time.  For me, it gave me a structure in which to understand the whole of the piece at a macro level.  I couldn't do it so succinctly before.

Thesis Writing

Sitting in my favorite coffee shop, watching the hustle and bustle of the customers, thinking about what I should be doing (more on that in a minute), and enjoying my moment of relaxation.  I decided this morning that I need to take more time to intentionally relax.  I think that will only make me a better conductor... and a better person.  I know that I have a tendency to be too worried about things.  I have said this before- most of the time I am okay with that.  But sometimes it's not such a good thing.  I almost think I should focus on the excitement of things rather than how I will do.

At any rate, today I am going to watch some videos of people conducting King David.  I could do that this morning, although my score is not in front of me.  I could also do it this afternoon when I get home.    So we'll see if I finish this entry and watch videos of people conducting without my score or wait until this afternoon.

I did write another chapter of my thesis (so now I have two down), but I can't promise that it is of high quality.  That's okay since it's just a rough draft and I don't have to turn it in until the last week in January.  Tuesday I'll attempt to start on the next chapter- now it becomes an analysis of my piece.  My teacher told me to limit my paper to 20 pages.  Right now it is at 5... single spaced.  So double that and it will be about 10 pages.  So I only have 10 pages left.  I will write until I am done and cut anything out that I need to cut out.

Letter of Rec

My teacher sent me the recommendation he wrote for me.

It was so humbling.

First, I didn't know he could say so many glowing things about me.  I know it's in his interest to have graduate students go on and do well, but I also know he does not want to be embarrassed by having a graduate student of his go on who doesn't have what it takes.  Still, I read the letter and didn't know what to do with myself for the next few hours.

Second, when I did start to process the recommendation and what he said, I became determined to "prove him right" the rest of the year.  I am sure I won't be a disappointment, but I do want to surpass expectations.  How do I do that?  By staying focused.  And that does not mean getting stressed out and bringing that stress with me to lessons.

He also sent an e-mail to the DCA at some of the schools I applied to.  I know this because he forwarded me the e-mail.

My "dream" school (my top choice, the "pie in the sky" school) is still waiting on his recommendation, although I am sure that will be finished today.  The two schools I want to probably attend the most are still waiting on his recommendation.  Don't get me wrong- I like all the schools I applied to.  Each have their strengths and each of them I would be thrilled to attend.  I think I could learn from each of the programs and also think I could contribute to each of the programs.  My top two choices are really that because of location.

I woke up this morning and did an hour of conducting on King David.  Today my focus was the second half of the piece (After the Dance Before the Ark).  I have a lesson tomorrow and should focus on the two movements right before "Dance Before the Ark."  Things are far from awesome, but at least the music is starting to come together.

Alright, off to think through my conducting presentation for tomorrow.

Surprise Conversations!

No classes today.  So this morning I have done some administrative stuff and listened to the entirety of King David.  Next will be thesis work- the first work I have done for a month.  I'm ready.  This afternoon will be more thesis work and polishing my conducting presentation.  Oh, and writing my rehearsal for tomorrow.  

As I was sitting in the coffee shop this morning, a man stopped and spoke with me.  He is a principal at a school but was a vocal music ed major in undergrad.  He did not teach music, but I didn't ask him what he ended up teaching before he became a principal.  We had a nice chat about music and how awesome it is, but also how difficult it is for teachers to get the resources they need to teach their music classes (often money being a biggest factor).  So this principal had always wanted to compose film scores, but said that now he could not compose his way out of a paper bag.  He also loves singing songs from the 30s, 40s, and 50s, but didn't know that until the end of his undergrad career.  It was a surprising and nice conversation.

Alright, on to thesis!

Applications= Done!

My applications are all in.  Done.

I finished my last application this morning.  Although I made a mistake- I forgot to upload my writing sample before I submitted the application.  So I had to e-mail the graduate coordinator.  It was a dumb mistake and I feel really silly, but I think it is all taken care of.  The problem with the writing sample is that I have never had to write an analysis paper for a class.  Ever.  We did some group presentations last year in graduate theory.  And I didn't have to write an analysis paper in undergraduate.  So I wrote a paper just for my DMA applications.  And it wasn't quite the length that the school I applied to today asked for.  So I provided two writing samples- one my senior project paper from undergraduate and one my written-just-for-DMA-school paper.  While I can see it is beneficial to be able to speak or write clearly about an analysis of a paper, I think the papers are very boring.

I am so happy to have my applications done.  I have been working on them WAY too long.  I started mid September and I have been a bit stressed out about them every since.  I don't like starting something and having to wait to finish it.  At least now I can stress out about other things- like my conducting presentation next week, my King David prep, and my thesis.

I have not thought about my thesis for a month.  Next week I'm back to that.

And of course, the most important thing that pertains to school is my conducting.  So I will be working on Women's Chorus stuff as well.

Stop Thinking!

This post is about singing.

I love to sing- most of the time.  But sometimes it's not fun because I feel inadequate.  When I was younger, this was never an issue.  As small children we are often so carefree- we do something because we love it and that's all that matters.  But then as we grow up we started to question our abilities, what others think of us, etc.  

At the end of last semester, my voice was starting to find it's way back to healthy singing.  Things were starting to click and I felt confident that I would start this year at a good spot and make even more progress.  The problem is, the first week back was great and then I feel like my voice took about 3 steps backwards.  I'm not sure what happened.  It's probably a little unfair to be writing about this today, after 3 weeks of my voice being tired and falling into back into bad habits.  The past few weeks I have been so focused on singing right notes, correct rhythms, and the same vowel as others that I haven't noticed how much it's affected my solo singing.  I love choral singing as much as the next person (look at my career!), but I don't like the feeling that I have been teaching my voice bad habits without fully being aware.  

So, over the next week, my goal is to warm-up before choir and sing on the days I don't have choir.  That is, of course, if my voice isn't exhausted.  I think this means that I am not allowed to be out too late- my voice needs to recover from the late nights of this past week.  

At the end of my lesson, Brian (my voice teacher) asked me how it feels to sing the way I was at the end of my lesson- how do we get there?  I replied it happens when I stop thinking about all the micro things I need to do and singing based on a feeling.  Basically, I need to think less.  And I'm not being silly when I say that.

Quick update on DMA school apps- I have one school left to apply for.  One application is completely finished.  Another two I have to wait until after our concert this weekend so I can use the video from the concert.  I will put the video together hopefully on Sunday and send it out on Monday.  Then it's a waiting game.  And while I'm waiting?  I am putting together a presentation on conducting texts/curriculum and writing my thesis.

Fifth Concert

It's my first Tuesday without any choir.  It also means Thursday will be without choir.  And now my Tuesdays and Thursdays are available for thesis research, homework, presentation designing, and graduate school applications.  Right now, my goal is to finish my graduate applications to three of the schools except the final video, which will be done next week (after our concert this weekend).  Once those three schools are done, I can apply to another school or two- maybe.  And then here I am!

My teacher came to observe the choir rehearse last night.  He also made mention that this was my fifth concert with them, and every concert the group gets better.  That was nice to hear.

Right now I am waiting for my iMovie to create a movie so I can put it on a DVD and sent it out with an application.  Let's see how fast it can move!

I think I was supposed to start Le Roi David tomorrow in conducting lessons (at least that's what my teacher told me Sunday night)- but I have not even looked at it.  I have not received my score in the mail.  So with that in mind, I'm off to look at some music for Winter Festival and then Le Roi David!

Just Another Wednesday

Yesterday was a really good day.  But it was the longest day I have had in awhile, or at least it felt long.

It started in the morning with my run.  Then immediately I tried to fix a broken light.  By "immediately", I mean I got home from my run, showered, and in my rob was climbing on the piano bench to take out the florescent light bulb.  John has been taking care of a lot of house-related things lately because I have been so busy.  For example, he's taken care of car repairs (whether in the shop or fixing the front headlight).  He also is spearheading the selling of our car.  So I thought I would try to take care of the three burned out lights. After resetting the breakers and causing some sparks, I got one of the lights to work again, but not the other two.  I met up with a friend for lunch (whose birthday is today).  We went to school and then our hour long choir rehearsal turned into an hour and a half.  At this point I was going to making some photocopies and PDF files for graduate school applications, but it turned out that we had a guest teacher for our conducting lessons and instead of our half an hour lesson, we would have a 2 hour master class (more on that later).  Immediately after that I met up with a student to go over some music I am conducting in her recital.  Then I ate supper before our 7:00 rehearsal last night with choir and percussion.  From 7:00-8:25 we rehearsed Carmina Burana.  Then from 8:45-10:05 Chamber Choir rehearsed their music.  My friend Mike gave me a ride home so I was home by about 10:25.  I got home and pretty much collapsed.  So, a good day but really full and lots of singing.

We had a guest teacher in conducting lessons yesterday.  His name is James Kim and he is the director of Choral Activities at Colorado State University.  My friend Austen received his masters under Dr. Kim.  Before my lesson I was really nervous.  First because I felt like I didn't have Britten's Festival Te Deum completely in my body.  I had the pattern and I knew what I wanted musically, but I still hadn't incorporated showing everything yet.  However, in my 30 minute lesson we made it through the entire piece and went back to work different sections.  It was my first (and last) lesson on the Festival Te Deum.  I received some great musical feedback from Kim.  I agreed with everything he said and some of my fancy gesture work was thrown out the window because it made it more difficult for the singers to make it chant-like.  I literally needed to make my gesture passive at times.  He didn't comment much on what musically I was doing.  Two of my conducting colleagues said it seemed like I was really solid and only Mike said I seemed a little uncomfortable, but it still seemed as if I knew what I was doing and what I wanted.  So next week we are working on Winter Festival stuff for Women's Choir.  Dr. Kim told JT that he was really impressed with us- said we were doing great things with great literature.  He also commented on how our teacher "must beat us up."  We laughed because... yes, that's kind of true at times.

I thought I wanted to do a Requiem next, but thinking about the rep out there, I might want to do one of the Brahms choral/orchestra pieces (Gesang der Parzen maybe?) or Honegger's Le Roi David.  I hope we have time.  I will also have to do recital rep. It would be nice to do Gesang der Parzen.

Sequoia

A brief explanation of photos:

This one was taken on top of Moro Rock.  Great hike.  Great Heights.

This one is the largest tree in the world (volume-wise).  The General Sherman Tree.  It was amazingly huge and the trees were so massive.  This tree is in something called the "Giant Forest."

This picture below is the fire I built even though John said, "Let's see you light it, girl scout."  And I did.  It only took me 7 matches.  But I did not need paper for kindling.  

Below is the tent we set up.  Stephanie and Brandon gave it to us as a gift for our wedding and we finally used it.  Perfect size. 

We woke up at 5:45 AM to drive to Panoramic Point and see the sun rise.  Well worth it.

This picture was from our hike today in Sequoia National Forest.  It was on the Boole Tree Trail.  

Collaboration

My conducting lesson was cancelled yesterday since it's a pretty big week for my teacher with one of his other jobs.  While I miss having the lesson, I was not prepared for my new piece- which is Benjamin Britten's Festival Te Deum.  I have looked at it.  I have markings.  I know the patterns and some of the shape I want, but I certainly do not feel comfortable enough even to fake it yet.  This weekend John and I are going camping, but I will have to bring my conducting.  Gone all weekend- and I can't take that time off of conducting.  The good news is that I will bring no other work with me.  

Last night in my orchestral conducting class my professor explained a situation he had happening in a community orchestra he conducts.  He is the artistic director/conductor of a community orchestra in Michigan.  They have collaborated in the past with the chorale in town.  Apparently the director asked JMS (my professor) to collaborate on something, and he said sure.  But then the director scheduled a concert a week before an orchestra concert.  JMS told the choir director they couldn't make that date work and the choir director said they were going to move forward with it anyway.  So now they are not collaborating.  And JMS shook his head and said, "I've just about had it with choral directors."  (Except, he said it with his German accent).  Stephen, a fellow choral student, and I giggled a little and JMS looked at us and said, "But not with you."  But it was evident, from various things last night, that JMS was not happy with people who don't collaborate.  He made a few other remarks too, although less obvious.  

This led me to think about collaboration.  Sometimes collaboration is difficult because the directors are not on the same page.  The collaborations I have done that really work are the ones that are thoroughly discussed and envisioned beforehand.  Not simply a, "It would be great to collaborate on this- what do you think?"  But an excitement, a discussion of the process, of what a collaboration would take up in terms of time, etc.  And then it takes trust (that the other person will prepare their ensemble, that who ever is conducting will do a good job, etc).  I enjoy collaborating.  I think it gets more people invested and involved.  

Alright, back to Festival Te Deum!

Genesis

If a student signed up to be a keyboardist for an early music group, you would not expect them to say, "Realizing figured bass is not really what I do as a pianist."  Seeing as I am not the professor for this group but just volunteering my time, I am not going to worry about it.  I will also not do this next semester.

Listening to "Genesis" by Charles Wuorinen.  It's my last large master work!  This means I will start reviewing, because initial study is done.  I won't worry too much about studying until Christmas break (over which there will be much writing revision and studying). How excellent!

The Past Month in Photos

Above is a picture I took in the mountains while on choir retreat.  Not such a bad view!

And below are some of the ingredients I used to make pumpkin muffins.  

Last week I went on a run when it was dark.  This was the view from the beach as I ran.  

Below is a picture of our lunch from Saturday.  We went to a Korean BBQ place.  It was amazing.  

Yesterday I spent 7.5 hours recording a colleague's new Christmas Cantata.  The three of us laid down all the female parts.  It was a great experience!  

Day 3

This makes the third day in a row I am feeling stressed.  But my goal today is to keep my nose to the grindstone so that when the day is done, I can think back on how productive the day has been.

So far this morning I have taken notes on a source for my thesis and have listened to the Barber of Seville Overture, which I am preparing for orchestral conducting.  I will be looking at Festival Te Deum, which is my next conducting piece for my lessons.  I will also spend some time thinking/conducting/practicing Dieu! (Debussy) and "I Sat Down Under His Shadow" by Bairstow.  I think I will be auditioning for the choral conducting competition for ACDA- and I will record these two pieces.  Next week.  I have a meeting with my graduate advisory (finally- for advancement to candidacy) and will hit my Brahms hard so I can analyze it (I have finished the harmonic analysis... I need to think about form analysis now).

Yesterday was a rough day.  I always wonder if other people have those days where they feel like they open their mouth too much and stick their foot in.  It's not an awesome feeling.  But today is a new day and because I will be intentional about getting things done, I think I will have less cause to talk.

Tomorrow John and I get to see Corey (he was in our wedding) and his girlfriend Michelle.  They are flying to CA for a conference and will spend some time with us.  This will be much needed.  Sometimes there is nothing better than connecting with friends.

One last thing to share: Lately I have been thinking about a Halloween party that is coming up.  It's being thrown by some undergraduates.  One of these undergraduates happens to be in Chamber with me and just about all my friends here are going- graduate and undergraduates alike.  I have been invited and all my friends expect me to go ("What is your costume?" is the question being asked).  I would like to go- as I enjoy my friends and I really like the two undergraduates hosting the party.  However, some of my Women's Choir girls will be there.  I just can't really permit myself to go if my students are going to be there.  Some of my graduate student friends think I'm being too strict about it- but none of them teach undergraduates and give them grades.  The party came up last night in conducting seminar, so I just had to talk about my reasons for not going again.  The argument back to me was, "Well, you're not going to get sloshed at the party."  Of course not, but that's not the point.  At any rate, it's been on my mind.  And I seem to be the only one who thinks it would be unprofessional of me to go.

Back to work!

Personal Statements... Again

I am still revising my personal statements for DMA school applications.  I am dragging my feet a little bit- not because I don't want to submit the applications, but because I am concerned that it's not "good enough."  I need to make decisions and submissions soon.  Sure, I have to December 1, but the closer the date gets, the more nervous I become.

I want my personal statements to show my drive and determination, my passion and my belief that I can do this.  It's different than it was when I was applying for my masters- I know exactly what I want now.  I have always known my ultimate goal, but was always hesitant to commit because I didn't know if I truly believed that I could do it.  I thought I could, but I wasn't sure.

So here I go... off to focus on yet another revision for my personal statements.

Cops

Although this has been a great beginning to the school year, I do enjoy the amount of sleep I received last year versus this year.  Today both John and I are exhausted.  We had a couple friends over last night for dinner and games.  We went to bed about 12:30.

At 2:15 I woke up because there was a lot of shouting outside.  I laid in bed and listened for a few minutes.  There were men shouting and every once in awhile a female voice piped in.  I heard a fence rattling (there is a fence in between our apartment complex and the one next door) and our security guard yelled, "hey, get off the fence!" At this point I got up and walked to our window.  I saw outside two guys.  One was being held back by his taller friend.  I saw a silver car parked and a handful of other people.  I didn't pay much attention.  I tried to go back to bed, but the noise came back so I went back to look out the window.  At this point, the tall guy was holding back a different guy (it was clear he didn't know this guy).  His friend from earlier was completely smashed and was trying to get into his car, all the while saying, "The cops are going to come.  I need to get out of here."  Finally his tall friend realized what he was doing and went to go stop him from driving.  The stranger-guy went over and was attempting to "help" the drunk guy too, although it was evident he was an antagonizer.  The antagonizer said he would drive his car away for him.  He called the belligerent guy "homeboy," and the belligerent guy got really offended.  While the antagonizer and the belligerent guy were talking, the tall dude went over to a lady who was standing on the side and was trying to reason with her.  She had said something about "let it go" and other such things.  The other two guys started reacting to each other, telling each other they would "sock" each other up, so the tall friend came over to stand in between them.  The antagonizer accused the belligerent guy of being racist and before much else happened, the antagonizer smacked the belligerent guy.  It seemed like the antagonizer was just waiting for a reason to get mad, and his race being pointed out was all he needed.  A couple more punches were thrown (all by the antagonizer, because the other guy was so drunk, he fell immediately), the tall guy wrestled both of them to the ground and there they stayed for another 30 seconds to a minute before the cops came speeding up.  The belligerent guy tried to get in his car and drive off, but he was so drunk he couldn't even shut the door.  All three guys were arrested.  The woman earlier had completely disappeared.  Through conversations the cops were having, two of the guys were marines.  The cop that seemed to be in charge (who was the only female officer) made a comment about how he was representing himself.  The tall friend was a bit more cooperative, although he did get briefly sassy to the officer.  She asked if his Washington address was still his address, his response was, "F--- if I know."  She said, "F--- if I know?  Is that your answer?"  There was a pause and he seemed to think better of it and became more cooperative.

I thought about going out there, but I don't think the minimal amount I saw before they arrived would help much.  The entire reason the cops showed up was for a reason I never discovered.

So I finally went back to bed around 3:15.  It was the city's marathon this morning too, so I woke up at about 7:15 to people cheering outside our apartment.  So I'm a little tired today.  John is as well, but he is currently taking a nap.

I also made pumpkin muffins this morning.  And now I need to stop blogging and go do some school work.

Age

Today I want to talk about age.  Yesterday one of my friends gave me a little ribbing- about my age.  It's odd- at 29, I'm certainly not young.  But I'm far from old.  I'm young in my career.  Choir conductors are not in the prime of their career until at least mid40s, and I would argue older.  You couldn't pay me to be 20 again.  Or 23.  Or 26, for that matter.  While I have loved every age I have been, I can only see more excitement and amazing things in my future.  Whether it's career or family or even vacations, I love what I have done but look forward to what is next.

By the way, my professor missed my advancement to candidacy meeting yesterday.  She's normally on top of her game, so I'm sure we'll make it up and I will still advance to candidacy.

I was nervous immediately before Women's Chorus rehearsal last night.  I had received multiple e-mails and we had SEVEN ladies missing.  Seven.  Unacceptable.  And about six more were tardy.  One lady asked if I would mark down their grade for entering at 7:01.  I said yes.  If it happens once, probably not.  If it becomes a habit, then yes.  We start at 7:00.  The door closes, warm-ups start, and I need their focus.

However, after that beginning, the rest of rehearsal was amazing.  We covered so much ground.  They were focused.  The Heavens Are Telling was fairly solid.  We won't pull it from our concert.  Music is starting to get memorized.  They were starting to watch me.  I could demand more from them.  I played with the tempo and made them watch.  I stopped on chords to tune them.  The pace was quick.  There was even about a half of page in The Heavens Are Telling in which things sounded interesting.  Their lines were interesting and parts were popping out of the texture in a good way.  It wasn't just a mess of sound but three distinct, interesting parts.  We will be able to make music on the Haydn!  And my accompanist?  He was on fire.  He was with me the entire time, with his awareness of my tempo being the best I had ever seen.  I was able to move or pull back and he followed.  And he was right with me, playing pitches without me asking.

This morning I have still had to deal with the aftermath of missing seven singers.  I have sent e-mails, have set up meeting times with singers, etc.  I face the reality of knowing there are some singers who will not be happy with their final grades because of their attendance issues.  But the ladies that were there know how great rehearsal was last night.  I do not feel the need to e-mail the entire group and remind them of the attendance policy.  I believe I made that pretty clear last night.

I am very inspired today.

Advancement

Today I have my meeting to start my official "advance toward candidacy."  I'm sure it will be fine and by the end of the semester, I'll be a candidate for graduation and my master of music degree.

And my references for DMA applications are now in place.

Mondays and Wednesdays are days that I normally allow myself a little slack in the morning, but I have found that Mondays between 4 and 7, I don't focus well and waste my time.  Because of this, I have set some goals for myself today.  The first goal is to write in translations for my vocal pieces.  My second goal is to finish writing translations in the Women's Chorus pieces (the reason this isn't the first is because I already know what each piece means and many of the translations are already in my head).  My last goal is to continue to work on my DMA applications.

And for the last portion of the blog post, a decision... The Women's Chorus has been assigned an SSA arrangement of "The Heavens Are Telling."  It has been one of the most difficult pieces the women have been asked to sing.  While normally I would be perfectly okay with them having a piece that is kicking their butt, we have so much music this semester.  At Winter Festival, all of the mass pieces must be memorized since we are taping.  And their Coventry Carol arrangement is a premiere and has some difficult moments.  That arrangement MUST be at top level readiness.

I had assigned the women homework- today they must come knowing a little more than half of the song.  The notes must be perfect.  I am going to have them sing it.  If it isn't together, I'm pulling the song from the program.  We already have five other pieces.  And I will not let them perform pieces that they wouldn't be proud of.  This is my job.  They trust me to do this and although I feel bad (I hope they don't think I believe they can't do it), given the amount of time we have, it may not be a feasible piece.  And although it's a good arrangement, I am not that sold on it where I would have them do it in the spring.  In the end, if we pull the piece from the concert, it's not a big deal.

I am still over the moon about the Coventry Carol.

Lessons

I had my fourth conducting lesson and second voice lesson of the semester yesterday.  I'm a little behind in voice lessons- as I missed the first two Fridays of school (one for a wedding and one for Chamber Choir retreat).  

First, my voice lesson!  I received my repertoire last week.  Here it is:  Two Schubert pieces (Suleika and Wanderers Nachtlied), a Debussy piece (I can't remember the title- it sits a little low, but it'll be good for me to work on not letting my voice sit back), two Quilter pieces (Weep no more Sad Fountains and another one I don't remember), Steal Me Sweet Thief, and Norina's Aria from Don Pasquale.  I have been working on all of them (a little too broadly... I probably should have focused on just two or three of them).  In my lesson this week, we started looking at Norina's Aria.  High Cs are going to be fine.  I thought we would start with German, but I guess my excitement for the aria was so evident we jumped right in!  Next week there is a masterclass at 4 PM on Friday.  I will sing In Uomini.  While I have already done this rep multiple times, it's all I really have prepared and memorized.  Plus, as my teacher brought up, we can still address things that will carry over to other pieces.  

Second, my conducting lesson: I love it when the accompanist in the lessons said, "That was nice."  Or sometimes, "I really liked that."  His feedback is more affirming than my teachers.  However, my teacher has been giving me awesome suggestions.  I finished conducting the second movement of the Chichester Psalms.  JT (my teacher) wanted me to start the third movement, even though we were almost out of time.  I did most of the orchestral beginning before stopping.  JT said, "I see nothing wrong with that.  It was clear and well done."  Of course, there were a few tweaks, but overall he was very pleased.  The accompanist also said, "I had no trouble following any of that."  I brought in some of my orchestral conducting learnings as well, which I thought helped.  At the end of the lesson, JT said I have made many improvements.  "What a difference a year makes!" he said.  He proceeded to say a lot of "schmutz" was out of my gesture and the accompanist remarked how much easier and unaffected my gesture is.  More musical.  

This year has really started off well.  Much of it has to do with my intention to relax and focus.  Much of it has to do with the fact I have other grad colleagues and we are all working together.  I am engaging others in music conversations (always one of my favorite things to do).  

Last night we had our first night of Beach Cafe (a fundraiser for the department).  Tonight is our second.  Last night I went out afterwards with the graduate students- and all of us exclaimed what an awesome time we had as we were leaving.  John and friends will be heading to tonight's show- with an adult excursion after the show.  It is almost two and a half hours long with intermission, but I think it is worth it.  

Coventry Carol Premiere

We have it!  The Coventry Carol!  The arrangement written specifically for the Women's Chorus is here.  It is difficult, but will be stunning.  Women's Chorus will sing it at Winter Festival.  It will be premiered there and the concert is being taped for public television this year.

I would say this is exciting.

Genderized Conducting?

Musing:  I have been thinking about this lately... it seems like the men I know that conduct are sometimes too large in their gesture.  It seems like the women I know that conduct are too small in their gesture.  I wonder if there is a gender reason for this?  I know when I conduct, I want to conduct gracefully and beautifully.  I think it can feel extremely ungraceful if I am conducting too big.

I have my first voice lesson today!  So excited.

References

As it is mid-September, it's important for me to be thinking about references.  And not just thinking about it, but asking people to be references.  So, after some feedback from my teacher and some thinking on my own, I think I know who I will ask.  I want my references to cover as broad a range of information as possible.  Obviously, my teacher will be a reference.  I will also ask my voice teacher, since he works with me quite closely and probably has one of the best ideas of my musicality and my understanding of all the pieces we sing.  He has also expressed a willingness to be a reference.  My teacher suggested I ask someone I have worked with in the past (he thought maybe an administrator), but I think I'll ask my former colleague.  He worked with me closely for two years and not only knows my work ethic, but also how I teach and my passion for teaching.  I also may ask, if I want to switch it up, my graduate advisor.  She knows little of my musical ability but knows a bit about my teaching passion and my work ethic.  She also knows that I like to be involved.  And most of the time, a willingness to be involved and invested in the education institution is seen as a good thing.

I promised my friend Austen I would keep him updated on the graduate school process.  While I hope to actually connect with him on the phone, I figured that I would also document much of the process on here.  

I sent out an e-mail to University of Iowa and the University of Washington yesterday.  Those two are probably less interesting to me than FSU, MSU, and Georgia (perhaps even than Boston), but I want to look at various options.  Since they are remotely interesting, I want to get information about them.  I have also thought about looking at the University of Maryland, but I am also at the point where I need to be applying and no longer spending as much time looking.  I plan on putting together my applications over the next few weeks, minus the conducting video.  That I would like to wait until after my November 3rd concert.

I mentioned the director at University of Georgia to my teacher (forgive me if I already said this in an earlier blog post).  He stopped for a moment, nodded, and said, "That would be an interesting choice."  I asked him what he thought of the director there, and (paraphrasing) he said,"  I hired DB to do the all-state last year, so I think he knows what he's doing."  We spoke a little about what it would mean for me to go to a school like UGA, with a solid but not as known program.  We also talked about the reality of applying for jobs with various degrees.  He said that having a DMA from UGA would certainly not prevent me from getting hired, but on the other hand, if it came down to a couple candidates and they had degrees from well known schools (and we were fairly equal in ability), they would have the advantage.  

I was looking at various schools and their choral staff this weekend- and I see plenty of women who are assistant directors... but very few women who are DCAs.  

One last thing: This past weekend on chamber retreat, we had a bonfire.  At this bonfire people were supposed to let others know why they would want to be friends with someone else in the choir.  When it got to the point where I was mentioned, the first thing someone said was, "Shannon is smart.  I don't know why you wouldn't want to be friends with someone who has that kind of knowledge."  I was already humbled.  The other things people mentioned were that I was a good leader, that I was warm and approachable, I had an inspiring work ethic, and that I was committed not only to learning but also to the relationships I formed.  Like most people, I am constantly working on who I am, trying to be a better person as I often fall short.  But some of the attributes I admire the most in others (compassion, warmth, intelligence, fair leadership) are the things I aspire to be.  While I still have a long way to go, it was humbling and a relief to hear that I am on the right path.  

One more thing:  Speaking of fair leadership, John and I were talking about education the other day.  I said the one thing about my future that has me concerned is education.  How can I encourage others to go into education with all the doubts I have about the respect given to the educators that work so hard?  John suggested I go into education policy making.  And this he has mentioned a few times.  Could I be a DCA and a policy maker? :-)

Happy Monday!

Teachers Are Awesome

So the teacher's strike in Chicago does not end tomorrow.

I wish there were a better solution.  I'm surprised at the demonizing of teachers.  Being a teacher myself (albeit, I haven't taught for a year since I have been in school), I have not met any teacher who would leave their children out of school for selfish reasons.  Pay sucks?  Benefits suck?  Teachers would quit.  But when it comes to the support teachers need- textbooks, safe classrooms, comfortable classrooms, support from administrators... I have been there.  I know that when I left Arizona I almost quite teaching- because I care so greatly for education and it was depressing to see that those who were making decisions about the school districts that affected my students negatively.  Not just that, but to have a government that doesn't support education?

Let me see if I can explain it in another way.  I care greatly about education and especially music education.  But when I was constantly running into obstacles and those obstacles were people who knew nothing about music or education?  It not only wore me down, but frankly it started to depress me.  I was disheartened going into work.  I found myself even in tears a few times.  My students deserved the best but they weren't getting that.

Here is what I saw when I was teaching in Arizona:  We had no money for substitute teachers, so when a teacher was sick, normally about 10-15 of the students would come to my classroom and sit (where there were no desks) while my kids sang but were ultimately distracted.  We had no money for paper.  Students had to bring their own and I couldn't make photo copies.  We weren't allowed to tell the students this because we didn't want to "alarm parents."  There was an agreement that there could not be more than 27 kinder students in a classroom, but the school board ignored that because of the budget.  Suddenly, kinder classrooms had 36 students in it while sharing an aid between 3 other classrooms.  And the class sizes were expected to get bigger.  Worried about standardized tests, students were not allowed to take field trips for a month before the standardized test.  Two weeks before the test, all learning was put away and the students reviewed for the test.  Yes, two weeks of review for a standardized test.  And when I left, the next year they were taking away prep hours for many of the teachers.  And at the end of the school day, all teachers were assigned to duties.  This meant that any prep work and/or grading was to be done completely at home.  Not even a chance to do it during school hours.

And not that it matters, but my insurance was not much better than it is now (and it's awful now) and my pay was low (and potential growth in pay was only in tiny increments).  I wonder how anybody finds this kind education acceptable.  If my children were going to a public school district and the school board said it was okay to have 35 other kids in the classroom with my kinder child, I would pull my children and put them in a private school.  Or I would teach them at home.  Or honestly, we would find a different school district.  But John and I are lucky- we will have options for our future children.  What about the parents who don't have that option?  Why do their children deserve less than any one else's?

So I wish there wasn't a strike.  But if the teachers don't make demands for better schools and show they are serious, what other options do they have?  Continue to "discuss"?  How far would that get them?

In the end, I firmly believe that the wrong people are making decisions about education.  I think the educators should be making the decisions.  Ultimately they are the experts.  And believe it or not, teachers are normally creative problem solvers.  I would trust them.

Fatigued but not Sore

The past few days I was on a choir retreat in the mountains.  We left Thursday afternoon and returned two days later.  It was interesting as my voice is not as tired as I thought it would be.  And here are the reasons why:

1) I sing differently with Chamber Choir.  I sing healthier.  I don't need to push and I can use my healthiest sound.

2) When my voice was tired, I allowed myself to mark.

3) My teacher did a good job of balancing.  Although we practiced for 12 hours total, we interspersed it with other things that were not singing.

Overall, when I left yesterday my voice was fatigued but not sore.

It was a good lesson for me to see this balance.

I was also told to learn the Argento "I Hate and I Love."  Not something I was expecting to have to learn how to conduct, but it will be fine.

I had my first real lesson last Wednesday.  My teacher was very complimentary of my progress and said I was very clear.  I am conducting Chichester Psalms in my lessons and made it through about half of the first movement.  The biggest thing is allowing myself to be bigger in my gesture.  I have small down, but if it's took big I feel as if I am flapping.  My teacher assured me that I don't look like I am flapping, but in a piece where dynamics are marked "fff", I can take a chance and be as large as I can control.  At any rate, good first lesson.

Generation Defining Moment

"This will be our reply to violence: to make music more intensely, more beautifully, more devotedly than ever before."
Leonard Bernstein

Today I heard multiple times that September 11, 2001 will be the defining moment of my generation's life.  Well, I'm hear to tell you that is not the defining moment of my life.  It won't be the worldly moment I remember with vivid clarity.  Like everyone else, I was heart broken for the lives lost, for the senseless violence.  I was praying for the families and more, praying for the fire department, police department, and other volunteers who were trying to dig through the rubble and find people.  I was 18, two weeks into my freshman year at Luther, and I had no concept of the world outside of me.  By the end of the day, I had begun to think about the implications of the tragedy and, more over, I wondered how the U.S. would respond.  I remember thinking that how we responded as a nation and as individuals would say a lot about the caliber of people we were and the kind of country we were.

So what do I remember with vivid clarity?  March 19, 2003.  The day President Bush announced he was sending troops to Iraq.  He didn't talk about going to war, but he didn't have to.  I found out at Eucharist, a Wednesday evening reflective service.  I was stunned.  I cried.  I didn't want to go to war.  The country of Iraq wasn't attacking us.  I don't recall if Eucharist was longer that evening, or if I just felt like time slowed.  After Eucharist, I wandered around campus a bit on my own.  I didn't feel like I could go back to my dorm and act as if it were a normal Wednesday.  I remember walking past the music building, past the library, by the library lawn... and I got angry.  I believed that the President was using September 11, 2001 to fuel support for a war that had nothing to do with the September 11 attacks.  I didn't understand why we were sending troops to Iraq.  I told myself the President had to know something that I didn't... and I tried to find comfort in that.  But it didn't really make me feel better (imagine how I when reports started surfacing that there were no WMD).  Over the period of many weeks I tried to understand.  As one of my friends, who was in the Reserves, got called away to duty... as the campus struggled with supporting the students they loved who were going away to Iraq but yet vehemently disagreeing with the war.  Hadn't there already been too many deaths?

I will not forget March of 2003.  It's the month I realized how much I believed that love, patience, tolerance, kindness, rationality, understanding, hope, and working together were things I believed in with the core of my being.

There are things I get worked up about, many of them political.  But I don't think I had ever been so disappointed nor have felt so disappointed since as I did on March 19, 2003.

Music Affect/Effect

Why is it that sometimes we listen to a song that really affects us?  I often wonder if there are certain chord progressions or combinations of instruments that I enjoy.  Of course, I'm too lazy (and busy?) to really figure out what they would be.  But still, there is music that makes us stop and holds us captive.

Tonight I listened to a work entitled "Sancta Civitas" by Ralph Vaughan Williams.  I love it.  It would be a combination of the music and the weather (I'm currently enjoying a Minnesota evening with a beautiful, cool breeze).  But it is an awesome work.

I fell really hard for Carmina Burana when I first listened to it as well.  Fortunately and unfortunately, we are singing it at school right now.  It's fortunate because I am learning the piece and will get to know it well for my future choral needs.  It's unfortunate because that piece has lost a little bit of that magic.  Maybe it will come back for the performance.

If done right, Sancta Civitas may not lose it's magic when performed.  I felt the same way about "Gesang der Parzen" by Brahms.

And I also wonder what music really moves other people.  So feel free to share.

Nomination

What is this?  Two posts in one day?

I just watched President Obama's nomination speech.  One classy fellow.  I'd vote for him.

But this post is not political.  This post is about other things.

I had two more ladies sign up for Women's Chorus between my post 9 hours ago and now.  Bring it on!  The skill range is going to be vast, but I've crossed wider rivers.  We now have a good number of sopranos.  We will see how they all balance out once everyone finds their voice and comfortability level with new songs.

My thesis project report is now approved.  Well, at least it's on it's way to my graduate advisors desk who will sign it and approve it.  So, I can celebrate.  John and I will do that probably when I return from Minnesota.  Bring on the Brahms!  And Women's Chorus!  And Opus 37!  More on that later.

So, I am thinking about what I need to pack for my trip.  Clothes.  And what homework?  Conducting, diction, orchestral conducting, women's music, and I think I'll bring two masterworks to study (Vaughan Williams and Mozart).  I hope I have time to do most of it, because I would love to truly focus on note taking on Tuesday for my thesis.

Alright, time to put away the technology and school stuff.  We are at a coffee shop almost 3 miles away and will walk home fairly soon.  It's a beautiful night.

Successful Rhythmic Dictation

Bam!  Successful dictating of rhythm to John last night after I got home from class.  10:45 at night.  My husband is so indulging.  What is conducting style rhythmic dictation?  I have the rhythm in front of me.  John doesn't.  I have to try to get him to sing the rhythm I know and he doesn't.  Just an exercise in clarity and gives us more resources to draw on.  But last night night it was successful!

I also finished the harmonic analysis of the first of three pieces in my thesis proposal set.  Yes, it was only one page.  But still, one harmonic analysis done, two to go.

Also now have 24 ladies in Women's Chorus.  This is up from 13 two weeks ago.  And up from 18 last week.

And last quick thing: I met a scout for the Cincinnati Reds at my favorite coffee shop this morning.  Really neat!

It's a Good Day

It's a good day.  Let me tell you why.

I had FOUR (yes, four) ladies contact me today about women's choir.  The group, which was at 13 a week ago, is now at 23.  And I'm hoping to get a few more as the week goes on.  I have spent more time on their music the past few days and am starting to know what I want from them, which makes me much more confident that the next rehearsal will be productive and engaging.  What I failed to do before school I am doing now.  Prepping pays off.  I have communicated with both of the section leaders.  Both were thrilled- and the alto section leader told me it made her day.  I believe both of them will be excellent for multiple reasons.  Both are musical and intelligent.  Both are not afraid to spend time working and putting effort forth.  The alto section leader is a music education senior, this will be great experience for her.  Not to mention, she has a good ear for musical "correctness".  I will make her goal to help with the alto unified sound- which will also force her to be aware of her own sound.  And that will be good for her.  The soprano section leader is a vocal performance major who is a member of ACDA, as she believes in the power of education.  She is kind and encouraging.  In her section, there a lot of really nice voices, but young voices.  She will be excellent in giving them good vocal health things to think about, plus I'll make that one of her goals.

It's also a good day because my thesis proposal has been sent on to my second committee member.  And my graduate advisor told me she was getting codes for me to register for thesis writing credits.

It's a good day because I was able to start my Tuesday "schedule".  I went to a coffee shop at 8 and did some administrative stuff, looked at diction, looked at orchestral conducting, and then read some sources for my thesis.  I also started the harmonic analysis on the first of the Drei Geistliche Choere, the basis of my thesis proposal (more on that later).

It's a good day because I got to spend time with John at the coffee shop this morning.  And then after school was finished, I went back to a coffee shop to do some more work (I really want to make sure I work until 5 PM on Tuesday and Thursdays) and John met me there.  I won't get that next week, so I cherish the time we get to spend with each other this week- even if we're doing separate things.

It's a good day because I went for a 4.5 mile run.  It wasn't fast, but it felt good.  I haven't had a good, long run like that in months.

It's a good day because I met up with a friend for lunch.  We caught up and were able to talk about our graduate school woes, jazz, and all the music things we want to attend this year.

It's a good day because I learned a little bit more about another graduate school and will be learning more.  Through a discussion with John today, I was able to solidify what I wanted in a school... just a little more.

Sometimes it's not a good day.  Or a good week.  And those are tough.  Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to get to where I want to be.  I want to be DCA at a 4 year institution, preferably without graduate students.  And I want to be a loving and thoughtful wife, daughter, sister, friend, future-mother.  There are days I don't feel like I will be good at any of it.  Sometimes I'm too hard on myself (let's face it- I may be the biggest perfectionist I know).  Sometimes I deserve it.  But it's good to remember the bigger picture.  While I may feel good or bad in the moment, ultimately I strive to contribute to a cause, to contribute positivity and goodness in the world through music and love.

I hope everyone can experience the love I do.  And I hope they are also able to give the love back.

SB

Sitting in a coffee shop in Santa Barbara right now.  We woke up early this morning to take a trip up the PCH and spend some time with a friend.  And we stopped at a breakfast place and had an Acai Bowl.  Some healthy fruit smoothie with fruit on it... my mom would have hated it (John's smoothie was green because of the spinach and broccoli in it).

But, of course, not until after a stop at a local coffee joint.  I just finished looking at Women's Chorus music.  I have not spent nearly enough time on the music for Women's Chorus, but I plan on making up for that between now and the next rehearsal.

I e-mailed my thesis to review for my committee.  I haven't actually turned it into my professor yet, but for all purposes, it's done.  I was going to wait to see if my committee got back to me... but they didn't, so I'm going to print everything off and sneak over on Monday to slip it on his desk.  Now I just have to decide- do I put it in a folder?  I thought about putting it in a nice, clear cover folder.  But the front page MUST be signed by the committee and I don't want the clear cover to get in the way.  Any ideas?  Maybe I just need to make a trip to my local office supply store and find something.

I received an e-mail today I had a financial hold on my account.  So I just paid it off online with an e-check.  I am so lucky to be able to pay it off immediately.  That and over half of my financial aid was refunded to my checking account.  So I used that money.

In a moment, John and I are going to listen (again) to the new Avett Brother's album.  It's a good day.

Approval is Just Around the Corner

I hope my last entry was coherent.  It's just important for me to prioritize better than I have been.  Everything cannot be a priority.

Today my teacher gave me the approval of my thesis.  I e-mailed my committee the proposal for a review and I will give it to my teacher later today for signatures.

Whew!

Priorities?

I did a little conducting tonight.  I need to practice.  It's really rough.  I have been so busy with everything, I have not had time to conduct.  Well, it's time to determine priorities.  I have a pretty intense thesis project report proposal deadline that I have been focusing on.  Actually, I have only one real issue with this process so far... I had written my thesis proposal two weeks ago.  I was ready for people to look at it.  I asked to get started on it so I didn't have to revise my proposal "last minute."  But my teacher just looked at it for the first time Wednesday and I had pretty extensive revisions on my proposal today (although no worries- it's a very solid proposal.  I just cut out some of the filler stuff.  Otherwise known as "BS").  And he will do more revisions (or tell me if it's a go).  My goal was to put it in one of the mailboxes of my committee members tomorrow, since all three have to sign it at the beginning of next week.  They have to sign it so I can get a code to register for two thesis writing credits.  It's confusing.  And a little stressful.  I would much rather have a heavier load this semester and a lighter load next semester during my recital preparations.

At any rate, I have been so busy with thesis proposal and trying to make sure I'm on top of things- I'm not really sure how I am going to give 110% to all my classes.

But tonight I had a thought: I shouldn't give 110% to all my classes.  It's really impossible.  I want to do well and I want to learn, but I need to let things go a little bit.  My priorities are not German diction and orchestral conducting.  But still, it's difficult to allow myself a more relaxed approach to those classes.

When I get nervous, sometimes I put a little hitch in my gesture.  That's a bad habit of mine.

Tomorrow is Friday and I have decided that on days that I don't have late classes, I will start my day "early" (8 AM-ish).  This means by 8 I should be doing school related activities.  However, it also means I should be done by dinner time as long as I put in a solid day.  The only time I will let myself work into the evening after a full day of focus will be if I need to conduct yet or if I have an important deadline or unexpected thing that came up.

The reason all of this came up tonight is because today was a stressful day.  I worked almost straight through and didn't get everything accomplished that I wanted to.

Here is what I wanted to get done today:  Finish score study of Elijah, review my thesis proposal to submit it to my teacher, German diction homework, start analysis of orchestral conducting pieces, warm-up and run through Chamber music, pick up some scores from the library, practice piano, practice conducting, print off needed documents and get it to said people (teacher, mainly), do some prep for women's chorus, and then go to choir rehearsal at 1.  Needless to say I only finished score study (which two and a half hours!), reviewed thesis (twice- once after teacher's revisions), and went to choir rehearsal.

Nobody has enough time in the day to do all that at 110%.  Everyday there are certain things I want to do (warm-up, conduct, review women's choir music).  But after that?  This is where the priority discussion with myself happens.  Which I am thinking about tonight.  After this post.  And after we finish listening to the Avett Brothers' new album.

University Teaching

I have always wanted to teach at the collegiate level.

I have also always given myself liberty to change my mind.

However, teaching at the university level is something I have always wanted to do.  In undergrad I discovered that I enjoyed really teaching and... lo and behold- I was good at it!  I had a conversation with my mentor from undergraduate, Sandra Peter, my junior year of college.  I will always remember that conversation.  We were discussing my future- and I stated that I wanted to teach at a college, but that I felt guilty because I really wanted to make a difference in education... and I felt that if I was a good teacher, shouldn't I be teaching high school?  After all, college kids can have some pretty rotten teachers and they end up still learning a lot.  Sandra and I were walking down the hall.  At this point, she stopped, turned to me and with a very serious voice said, "Shannon, college students need good teachers.  Not just to learn, but to be shown an example of what good teaching is."  That is when the idea first entered my head that my teaching skills might be useful at the collegiate level.  I can have a positive effect on the future of education.

And that is one of many, many reasons I am pursing this path.