Last Week.

Last week has been the hardest of the semester so far.  I anticipate that it will go on as the hardest week of the entire semester, and all future weeks will breathe a sigh of relief.

It was not a "bad" week.  In fact, it was productive.  It was full of music.  It was rewarding and inspiring.  However, I also did not get to see my family as much.  I gave and gave and gave energy and never fully recharged to 100%.  

Last week I had three clinics.  Two of those clinics ended with a concert.  Plus, I had a concert with my own students.  So, three clinics and three concerts.  Like I said, full of music. Full of learning.  

Here are my two important take aways from last week:

1) It's important not to over schedule.  Of course, right?  But it has to be intentional.  Sure, I can say "Oh, it'll be hard, but I can do it."  However, do I really want to do that to myself?  I finished up my third clinic Saturday around 12:30 PM.  Around 11:50 AM, I glanced at the clock and felt my energy draining more quickly than it had all week.  Today (Sunday), I decided not to do any work for my job.  While that was good, I'm sitting here at 10 PM on a Sunday night and I recognize that I am still not 100% charged.  Maybe 75%.  Maybe.

2) Music.  Music, music, music.  What made this week so inspiring is that it was all about music (and teaching).  I was able to focus on the music.  Create music.  Lead music.  Teach music.  I conducted four separate sets of music for four different choirs.  I was swimming in music.  It was wonderful.  Administrative things always get in the way of music.  And while there is a time and a place for administrative (of course), I definitely need more time in my music.  I must make time for music.  I am a better teacher, a better musician for it.  

So now I am off to bed.  I have plans to score study for an hour and a half tomorrow morning.  I don't know if I'll be at 100% charged tomorrow morning, but I certainly will know how to focus to be inspired throughout the week.  

Self-care and Busy

Being busy.  It's a blessing and a problem.

I created a goal for myself before the school year started: Give myself at least two nights off every work week.  No work, no email, no planning.  Do something fulfilling.

Not a hard goal, right?  I mean, I'm done with my dissertation.  I no longer have a newborn.  I'm in the second year of my job.  Easy.

But not as easy as I thought.

I haven't met my goal since the school year began.  At first I was trying to figure out why: Is it because I am advising students this year, and they stop by my office more?  Is it because I'm sitting on committees?  Is it because I planned too much for my touring ensemble?  Is it because I'm spending too much time preparing for my upperclassman course on women musicians in history?

Then I realized that the best thing to do at this moment isn't to understand why I'm too busy, but take steps to correct it.  This is hard.  I don't want to give things up, and I don't want to feel like I'm unprepared, but I also want to spend time with my family without feeling guilty and enjoy life so I can understand the joy of music.

So here are some of my ideas about cutting back.  I haven't implemented them yet, but I'm getting there.

Here are my ideas:
- Recommit to using at least two nights a week to do something other than work.  Don't even take out the work computer.  Nothing.  Maybe even leave my work bag at home.
- Cut back on some activities.  For example, those activities that don't yield high rewards for recruitment, don't participate.
- Setting goals and restrictions ahead of time.  For example, next fall, I will not conduct any honors choirs or festivals.  I'll have a newborn, I'll be pumping.  I can take a semester away from the conducting festivals, especially because I'll still be visiting local and state schools to recruit during the day.
- Delegate.  I have two student workers and student leaders.  I can delegate more work.  I don't have to do it all.
- Perhaps make a list: what activities am I doing that are in my job description?  What activities are not *really* in my job description, but I'm doing them to grow the program/build my tenure/etc?  What activities do I do out of guilt?  If I can see these activities listed (including all the additional meetings I have), perhaps I can make a change as to what activities I do; perhaps I can prioritize activities.

I love what I do.  I love my family.  I also love myself, and my cup is slowly getting drained.  I feel it.  And I will not be any good to my family or my students if my cup isn't full.

So please, friends, take your self-care seriously.  You are important.