Professional Disappointment

So today I dealt with professional disappointment.  This is not the first time and I know it will not be the last.  This is a part of our lives, as musicians and as humans.  But that does not mean it is not a bummer.

This summer I revised my master thesis quite a bit so it could be printed.  I received an e-mail today from the issue editor; my article will not fit in the focus issue (which was moved from December to February).  She asked if she could send my article to another person who edits smaller columns.  She mentioned my article her that editor already and the person was very interested.

Still... a bummer.

I do not feel like a "failure" myself.  My article is well written and full of good information.  But I am really disappointed.  I really tried not to get too excited when this came up as a possibility.  Getting published as a feature article has always been on my "bucket" list.  And it will stay there (and yes- I can already hear a voice in my head saying, "Just for now.  It will stay there for now.  But you have so much time and maybe you can get a feature article in the future."  But that voice is annoying me right now.  Seriously... I can never stop my own positivity.  Sometimes it drives me crazy).

I conducted today in class.  It was great to finally conduct in front of an extremely responsive group!  I conducted a chant.  Simple but... not.  I will watch the video this weekend and try to learn something from it.  I did some very odd things, but made some improvements.  I also am toying around with some new ideas as far as how I would conduct the chant (this one or another one) differently.  I am thinking about things such as how I would use the conducting plane or how I can even out some of my tacti so as not to give something weight that sounds like it could have weight but should not.

Tonight, in church choir rehearsal, I worked on tone color with my singers.  It was great!  I had them sing with a variety of "colors."  Nasal, back in the throat, full and full of vibrato, non vibrato and rich, non vibrato and thin, varying vowels, etc.  I reminded them that every time they sing, they choose their color.  I help guide them, but they have to be making the constant choice.  We experimented with how to achieve colors that would be in tune and "blend" without compromising their individual sound.  Not a surprise, tall vowels with a healthy, supported sound lends itself to a rich, warm color of the entire choir.  I had the soprano section demonstrate singing in different colors (at the same time, so it sounded like a bunch of individual voices that did not sing quite in tune) versus singing with support and listening to their "sisters."  It was successful.