A million years ago, I said my next blog entry would be about a piece. But that is not true. I will try to make my NEXT post about a piece I am working on- or my potential recital repertoire.
Before I share with you an experience of today, I wanted to give you a glimpse of what my DMA life is like. On Mondays, I wake up generally at 7:00 AM and head out about 8:00 AM. Between the hours of 8 and 3:30, I have about an hour and a half of free time, in which I try to get some tiny amount of work done. Normally I get something done, but it hardly makes a dent in my pile of work that constantly needs to be done. I feel as if going to the bathroom is an inconvenience and I desperately wish there were two of me, so one of me could go to class and the other of me could get my work done to a level that is satisfactory to my expectations. It doesn't happen. Tuesdays and Thursdays are busy during the day, similar to Mondays. The problem with Thursdays is that my last class finishes at 3:30, and while I might want to relax because it's almost Friday, I really should work hard until 10:00 at night, with a break for a work out. Sometimes I eat too. Wednesdays are a bust- my schedule is pretty packed from morning until 9:00 PM. I have a little time during the day on Wednesdays, but it's not nearly enough time to get anything productive done if I need to leave the office. I made the mistake a couple of times of going to the library during my free time on Wednesdays. Bad idea- my trips to the library always take me longer than I think and then I feel rushed. Inevitably I don't get everything I need so I have to go back the next day. Fridays, my class ends at 11 AM. This sounds amazing. Except, again, I have a pile of stuff to do constantly. I always have a presentation to be working on. I have a tiny list of "to do"s, if I have time, for each class I am in. The point of this entire paragraph is this: I am currently taking 13 credits. I work a part-time job. I spend significantly less time on Facebook than I used to. My e-mails are piling up. So yes, I'm busy. But here's the kicker- if I want to get all my classwork done in two years (which is the norm), I will have to take 15 credits for probably two semesters. I just hope I am able to be more efficient with my time now, so that adding two more credits next semester is okay.
It is difficult to feel like I'm doing well at my program when I am constantly pressed for time on all my assignments. In reality, I am performing well on assessments and projects, but that does not mean I am satisfied with my work or my understanding. I love this learning and this program, but I hope I struggle less with getting things accomplished.
In good news, I get a week off for Thanksgiving. I am so excited about all I can get accomplished during that time.
So, here is what I actually wanted to share:
Today, a very strange thing happened. I was conducting an ensemble. This ensemble meets every Monday and is a volunteer choir. They needed a conductor and back in August I said I would do it. There is one singer who has not been excited about rehearsals. I have known this and I have seen her get frustrated at times because I will stop and give the group feedback. Well, today during warm-ups, she came up to me (yes, during warm-ups... rehearsal had started), and she said, "I know some people will probably be mad at me, but we need to just sing our music. We are five weeks away from our Christmas concert and we just need to sing the music. It's great you are doing warm-ups and it's great to hear you talk, I'm sure, but we need to sing our music."
It really threw me for a loop. But I responded, " I understand. I have the group sing warm-ups so we can apply those concepts to our music and to our voices to help be better musicians. And that is important." Or I said something along those lines, and I went back to the warm-up.
First, I have heard from four of my singers today. All four have said, basically, that I am doing a great job and they enjoy learning from me. One of them even said, "Please don't leave because of this, we are so lucky to have you." While that makes me feel good, overall, I know that what I am doing is not going to change. I believe too strongly in helping my singers be the best musicians they can be- and that includes understanding musical concepts and working on vocal technique. My job is not just to teach notes and rhythms, but it's to help singers grow in musicality and in confidence. What thrills me is two things: 1) My singers have seemed to respond to the learning and growth that take place during ensemble time and 2) we went on to have a great rehearsal today.
I know that singer who approached me during rehearsal was out of line. It was the inappropriate place to voice frustration and I know what I am doing is good. But I also think it was a reflection on where she is at. I know I am different from past directors- I do more than bang out notes. I take the time to teach because I want my singers to understand what I am listening to and how I want to shape the sound. I think this makes her uncomfortable because this is not what they were used to for so many years. I also feel very bad for her. I worry that she feels so out-of-control with changes in her own life, a simple change (such as a new rehearsal style) really upsets her. I want her and all my singers to enjoy singing. But I also believe in healthy, good singing, musical singing.
She left before rehearsal ended, so I did not get a chance to talk with her at the end. I have not decided if I am going to speak with her. It may not be worth it. It is too bad, however. She could probably really learn to enjoy the music making process more than note-repeating.
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