To Get There...

It's been awhile, but only because this semester is so busy.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday.  I'm giving up stress, pessimism, and chai lattes for Lent.  The stress and the pessimism go hand-in-hand. 

What I am about to say may be a little controversial, since there are those of you that read this blog that will be attending my first recital.  This is the first time I have ever conducted a concert in which I do not feel ready- either me or the singers.  Now, they can sing through all their pieces.  That's not the issue.  But I hear so much more in my head, I want so much more shape, expression, contrast in color, etc.  In a way I feel like I have failed the group I am conducting, because I have not been able to get them there.  At least yet.  It's an odd feeling and I'm trying not to do too much reflection until after the concert.  After all, I still have a job to do and we still have two more rehearsals (although, they are dress rehearsals).  And the more reflection I do, the more I will lament what I *could have* done instead of what I did do.  Either way, that type of reflection should probably wait until after the concert. 

Yet, there is still a part of me that hopes... I hope that tomorrow I will say something or will move my baton in the right way or be clearer about an entrance which will suddenly allow the singers to create beauty out of something currently stale.  I hope tomorrow I will wake up with fresh ears.  And I hope that whatever we don't shape and love tomorrow will become alive on Thursday. 

I have plans in place for tomorrow.  I know what I want to accomplish.  I know what I want to show.  I know how I want us to take the next step... but can we do it? 

So yes... I still hope the music will "come together" (as much as I despise that phrase). 

I have learned a lot in this process.  And I am sure I will continue to learn a lot in the next four days.  And I am grateful to be at this school and conducting these singers and learning from this teacher. 

Let me tell you about Ravel's Trois Chanson.  Briefly.  There is no textual relation between the three pieces.  Or is there?  There does not seem to be, although perhaps I could make some abstract case for one.  The first piece, "Nicolette," is a fairy tale of sorts.  "Trois Beaux" is about a girl who dreamed of three birds, visiting her and bringing her a gift reminding her of her love.  "Ronde" is about old men and women trying to scare the young boys and girls away from the Forest of Ormonde, telling them about the scary creatures in the forest.  These are stories.  And all three are very different in affect.  Even the color between the three pieces is slightly different.  It's a difficult set, not the least of which is the French.  There is so much technical work to be done that it is easy to forget the story of each piece.  And that is where we are in this process.  The story.