Smiles

I had an "ah-ha" moment yesterday.

It has to do with faces.

You see, in my doctoral coursework, I gave three recitals.  In one of my recitals, I received a small number of comments about faces I made while conducting.  These faces were smiles, and the students did not know how to interpret them, so they assumed that it was negative.

These comments have bothered me for awhile because I had no idea what they were talking about.  Yes- I smile a lot in rehearsal.  That can't be upsetting to people, right?  And I refuse to stop smiling.  It's who I am and my classroom is built on positivity and encouragement.

Yesterday I was working with my small vocal jazz group.  I asked them to modify a vowel, and they did.  They sang a few more modulations before I stopped them to give feedback, at which point a senior said to me, "Ah!  That smile- I know you aren't laughing at us, but I always wonder if I'm doing something wrong."  She's a wonderful student and we have a good report, so we were able to chat about this.  As it turns out, I DID have a little smile on my face.  I was smiling because they had done such a good job modifying the vowel like I had asked them, and it was TOO well-modified.  So what I was hearing was a wonderful vocal jazz "ee" vowel, followed by a very pure "oo."  The two vowels didn't fit "in the same sleeve," because the singers had done such a great job modifying the "oo" vowel, just like I asked.  The contrast had made me unwittingly smile.

Then today in rehearsal, my singers were rehearsing a piece they know very well.  I found myself being aware of my face, and how at times I wanted to smile while conducting.  I often do not notice when I do this, because it's a response to what I'm hearing.  And it happens in two instances: the first is when the singers do something I ask and it's too much of what I asked (this is my fault, and a testament to my singers that they were so committed), and the second (and more often) is when my singers do something so well I want to stop and yell," Yes!  That was exactly it!"  But of course, I don't stop (... to be honest, sometimes I do stop and yell, but I try not to often because it disrupts the flow of rehearsal).  What I do is smile instead- and I often don't realize I'm doing it.

So I addressed it today in rehearsal.  Multiple singers were like, "Professor, we love your faces.  Please don't stop doing them."  I told them they could always raise their hand and ask what the smile was about if they saw it (and it was once we had stopped singing).

I'm still thinking about this new discovery.  I'm not sure there is much I can change.  I can definitely work on having more of a poker face, but I'm not sure I want to.

Now I know that this is what I do, however, I may address it more in rehearsal.  For example, when we finish rehearsing a piece, I might say, "I had to smile because you remembered the phrasing and warmth in measures 35 and 36, altos.  That was wonderful."

I'm relieved.  There is nothing like getting an evaluation and not knowing why you got the feedback you did.  At least now, I have a little better understanding.